Addiction

You know its funny, I have never smoked, drank, did drugs, or gambled. Yet I know I am an addict. I know this because one is genetically predisposed to certain addictions. I had a grandfather who was an alcoholic , therefore I could very well have the genes to make it easier to become an alcoholic. Maybe that is why I have never been seriously tempted to drink.

I also know my personality. I take things to the extreme. Moderation is a difficult concept for me. And I am not a type A personality. I turn things inward, I brood, I become depressed easily. If things do not go as planned, it is a stressor for me. So when I become upset I retreat into certain things which are like an escape for me. Generally speaking my addictions are the ones which could be considered harmless, I guess. As a child and into my early teens I would read constantly.

This was my way of relaxing. I could retreat into the world of Charlotte Bronte or Jane Austen or even Erma Bombeck. Somehow after reading about the trial of others , even make believe others my world did not seem so bad.

As a teenager, things became harder to deal with, and I turned to sleeping. It was still a retreat, an escape, just not quite as productive perhaps as reading.

As an adult I have seen things like email, facebook, etc become my thing to turn to when life is hard to deal with. Perhaps as addictions go, they are not so bad. I am not wasting money , unless you go with the old adage that time is money. Yes there are things which I could be doing that are more productive such as cleaning house, spending time with my family, blogging, paying bills and the list goes on. And of course the old,,, everybody else is doing it, so it must not be so bad right? I mean if all my friends are posting stuff on FB a couple of times a day, then it must be ok to spend lots of time on this. Right ?

Well the flawed logic in this way of thinking is fodder for another post. I discovered fairly recently though another addiction. Its a place I go or rather used to go. I don't anymore thanks to my dear husband's unrelated problem, he has said to stay away from there. It was not a bad place really, just a place that held out the promise of making life a little easier. The place where you could go "and everybody knows your name". A place where everyone professes to love you and want the best for you. Sounds good right? Sounds like a healthy place to be , don't you think? But it was not that. It was a place where people rarely spent real time with each other. People did not "talk" much, well maybe there was some gossiping that was spread. There was however a lot of electronic entertainment, tvs, video games, Internet, you name it. I used to refer to it as the black hole of time, it seemed like once you went there you were sucked in and could not return. Before you knew it a quick trip to run in and retrieve something had turned into staying there for 8 hrs or more. I knew I was in trouble when I began to not only watch mindless tv shows, but actually laugh at them, and almost to the point of actually caring what happened to the characters on this silly drama. I promised myself over and over that I was going to stop going there, I knew that it was not helping me. I knew that it was just shallow promises of making my life a little better that kept me going there. In reality the price of "making my life easier" was a very high price to pay. My values, my judgement, my character, my way of life were all being questioned, laughed at, disregarded, and made fun of. In a nice patronizing way of course.

Its a been a month almost since my husband's moratorium (Sp), against going there. I can honeslty say that I am happier, more at peace, and confident than what I had been in a very long time. I am strengthenging my network of like minded friends, and facing challenges head on instead of backing down. I am learning that sometimes the greatest rewards come when you face something head on and do not back down. Perseverance brings rewards of its own.

Now if I could just do something about the FB addiction, oh well , gotta have something to do when my two yr old is driving me nuts. Right?