Waiting to exhale

We just returned last night from a vacation to Daytona Beach Florida. It was so great. Soaking up the sun, letting the boys play around in the sand and ocean, it was a most peaceful experience. Brian and I and the boys were more relaxed than we had been in a very long time. It was such a gift from God! God helped us out in so many ways. We actually had a chance to relax and talk, without outside pressures interfering or pulling on us. Brian also said that he is going to find a way to spend more time with the boys. We are not sure how it will work out but we know that little boys need to learn how to be men, and surprise surprise they need men to teach them that. Having Brian working outside the home 50 -60 hrs a week, and then take on side jobs, and help everybody and their uncle out with problems does not leave a lot of room for quality time with his boys. We are just praying for God to give us some clear guidance on how to do it. I don't know how long it will last, but right now so much of my anger , depression and frustration are changed into positive emotions of thankfulness, and just love for the people God has put around me. Its like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and I can hope and dream again. I watched the movie Hope Floats a number of years ago. I didn't understand the title for a long time. After reflection though, I think it was just a commentary on the fact that no matter how much bad stuff you go through, hope keeps re surfacing and pushing its way to the top. Lord willing hope will persevere and give bloom to a beautiful flower of dreams, and fulfillment of God's purpose.

It figures

I post a blog entry about trying to write more, and then I go almost two weeks without posting a blog entry. Well, I took a day off Tuesday and I have felt much better every since. I fed the kids leftover deli food and veggie and fruit trays. I had Brian bring dinner home with him. I stayed in bed most of the day, talked on the phone , and read a Christian romance novel. The boys accquainted themselves with the features of our new DSL. They watched Animal Planet and Clone Wars. It was amazing, when I removed all the pressure and expectations from my day, the stress , frustation, and anger disappeared. I must figure out a way to do the daily requirements of life without being so stressed and frustrated. God will make a way.

Nothing like a little drama to liven up the day

Well the day started off as normal, breakfast, showers, homeschool PE class, go home. Then my dh called. He was having an asthma attack and wanted me to meet him at Rite Aid with his prescription for an inhaler. I herded the kids in the van and headed off with the prescription. Well when we arrived I sent the boys in with the prescription . Well , it ended up the pharmacist convinced Brian that he was in enecelaphtic (sp) shock and he should go to the ER right away. Well Brian did have the symptoms he said, but we both thought that with the shock you actually pass out or something because you cannot breathe. Brian was still conscious and awake, and breathing albeit with difficulty. So we arrived near the hospital and I had to go past it because of insane traffic patterns. I was turning around in a Rite Aid parking lot and Brian said he didnt' think he needed to go to the ER. So we decided to follow his orignal plan of buying a Primatene Mist Inhaler and it worked almost instantly. So then we went home, and long story short, ate lunch and with Brian still fighting off a headache and chest pain; Gabe starts to feel pain in his abdomen. After 10 min of him screaming and crying saying his stomach hurt, Brian took him to the ER. Well 15 min after he got there he calmed down. The diagnosis? lactose intolerance. At least my family is okay, and he only had to stay in the ER for about an hour for observation. Thank you God for keeping my family healthy and safe.

Cause its supposed to be.....

When Ben was about 4 yrs old, we would ask him why he did something, or why something was the way it was.. His classic response was ... cause its supposed to be.. He was simply returning the universe to its inherent order, why could his blind parents not see that? We may not have always agreed with him, but in his mind it was simply the way things were, why would we question it? Sometimes when I become frustrated and I want to do something that I know will confuse people and earn me a " what on earth was she thinking " look.. in my mind I always answer ,
cause its supposed to be. I often question the necessity of things which others seem to regard as standard and normal. On the other hand , my thoughts and ideas often puzzle other people. Why am I so concerned about this elusive other? Why do I care what they think? Who knows. Why do I allow this "other" to cause me so much grief, depression, and anger? Who knows. I do know that I am supposed to be doing something which involves more than laundry, dishes, and changing diapers. Come to think of it, the Proverbs 31 mother was a work at home mom ( if you consider the fields/ vineyard as home ) At any rate she did not have all of her focus on just her kids. She was a well balanced woman, and she managed to earn money in the process. And her family called her blessed. Hmmm. More than anything I know God wants me to write.. but am I supposed to be confining my writing to an online blog that people may or may not be reading? I really do not think so, even my mother encourages me to write more, as does Brian. I love blogging, but I think maybe there is something more out there for me. Not that I should neglect my family , quite the contrary. I need to work harder to gain structure and order for all of us. Then I can have more time in the evenings / mornings to do things like write without distractions. Yesterday morning was Sunday, and as I spent time blogging, my spirit and mind were at peace. All the things which God had been working on in me, came flowing out of me in my writing. It was worship for me. Why writing? Cause its supposed to be.

The Psychology of Expectations

A few weeks ago we received a call early Sunday morning. My dad told Brian there was a snake in his driveway. He said it flicked its tongue at him when he touched it. He knew the boys would want to see it, so we hopped in the van and drove over there. I told Brian that it was probably Ben's toy snake that he had left over there the day before. My dad's degree was in zoology and he likes snakes, so Brian thought he would know the difference between a toy snake and a real one. We arrived at my dad's place, and looked at this black snake with yellow markings coiled up on the side of the driveway. I told Brian that Ben's snake was black with yellow markings, and that he had left it near the side of the driveway the day before. So Brian goes over and touches it. It doesn't move. Then all of sudden Brian becomes excited. He says that he saw its eyes move. He puts it on the windshield of the van. I was still sitting in the van , so I could see the bottom of it. It looked a lot like Ben's snake, but it also looked very lifelike. I wanted to believe that it was just a toy, but something in me kept thinking but what if it wasn't? Well, Ben decides to bring the snake in the van. Brian and I both went a little crazy then. We were pretty sure it was the toy snake but just in case it wasn't we did not want it in the van. Despite Ben's protests we made him leave the snake at my dad's house. We told him that if it was still there later on , we would let him bring it with him. I knew my dad would have his phone turned off since he was at church, so I texted my sister instead. She insisted it was a real snake that had flicked its tongue at dad. Well after church , my dad goes back and I guess he picked it up. Upon closer examination he figured out it was a toy snake and not a real one. When he called us to tell us, I told him that Ben had left his toy snake there the day before. My dad had not known this at the time, or he probably would not have assumed that it was a real snake. We decided that what he thought was a tongue flicking was a piece of frost coming off the snake when he hit it. I will not go into the details about three semi intelligent, semi rational adults who believed this toy snake was real. I think the part that intigrues me the most is that Ben never doubted it was his snake. He picked it up , looked at the markings, looked at details only he knew about. He knew that it was his snake. I wonder if its not a little like God and us. We have people around us who insist that we are this or we are that. They try to put us into a box and tell others that this is what we are supposed to do, and be , and say. The snake could not argue with all the things being said about it, because it was a toy. It was powerless to argue with the things being said about it no matter how untrue or misleading they were. Oftentimes we feel powerless to defend ourselves against misleading or untrue things which are being said about us. Yet Ben as the owner simply picked it up and said , "no this is mine. I am the owner and I know what it was created for, to have fun and to scare parents . " Similarly God picks us up, looks at us and says ," this one is mine, I know who this is and what their purpose is because I CREATED them! " And just like Ben loves his snake and tries to take care of it, God the Father showers us with an everlasting love that we cannot fathom. And just like the true nature of the snake was eventually discovered, the true nature of God's creations is discovered as well. So maybe the purpose of mr scary looking toy snake is more than just scaring parents out of their wits, maybe it too can teach us about God .........if we let it.

New Year's Resolution

I don't usually do New Year's Resolutions but this year I made some promises to myself ( and my family) and since it just happenend to be around New Year's I decided to call them New Year's Resolutions. First of all, we ARE going to eat healthier, not a diet, just some very gradual subtle lifestyle changes. Things like cutting out enriched flour, frozen pizzas, and sugary drinks. We will eat more whole grains, more fruits, and vegetables, and healthier protein foods (ie turkey, chicken, etc). Second , we will exercise more ( or in mine and Brian's case just have some exercise). I bought a nice , used exercise bike for $50 from a friend. Brian and I try to bike at least 5 miles a day on it. Its not much , but its more than what we were doing . Third I am going to try to be more polite to people in general. My kids and husband probably need it from me the most , but everyone can benefit from a polite and respectful attitude which is kind of hit and miss with my attitude. Fourth , clearer communication between myself and others. I will stay focused, not be distracted by tangents and make sure the other party understands the message I am trying to convey. If there are misunderstandings I will address the person instead of another friend to whom I feel like venting my problems . Fifth and most important I will become serious and devoted to prayer and Bible reading. I will become a true student, disciple , follower, lover of my Lord and Saviour. I will delight in his fellowship on a regular basis ( vs shallow interactions via Facebook, and most emails, and a lot of telephone calls). And sixth I will encourage my family to join with me in this journey. It will not be easy or fun, but if taken slowly and deliberately I think most can be accomplished by next year. There are more goals but that is enough for now.