Decresendo

I am probably spelling that wrong, but basically its that time after the big buildup of Christmas, then the climax and now the fading to normalcy and routine . I have not done any decorating ( Ben and Gabe decorated the trees), no Christmas cards or even e mails, no gift buying, no elaborate dinners to fix, heck I didn't even try to make the house look cleaner. So I avoided some stress, ( though I do dream about the day when I can do all those things without it being stressful). we still did quite a few fun, Christmasy things. We continued some family traditions, and maybe started some new ones . Overall I have to say it was a good holiday, a good celebration of my saviour's birth. The boys went to two Christmas parties one at a church, one at a library after a Christmas parade, and a small one at the homeschool co op. We saw the lights at Coonskin park , took a trip to see the holiday decorations at the Columbus Zoo. We bought two Christmas trees, and let them decorate them. They received plenty of presents IMHO, though I am sure they would have liked more. We also acted out the Christmas story Christmas morning ( though they did sneak in some Charlie Brown quotes when it came to Josh being the sheep lol ) and we made a gingerbread village complete with one house, three cottages, one train, and five or six trees,. Not that doing any of these things in and of themselves is special really, its just doing them as a family. I want our kids to have a sense of this is who we are and what we do. Just spending quality time with them is the real gift for me, seeing them become excited and watching their eyes light up , is worth more than any physical gift I could ever receive. The best thing though was on Christmas Day just talking to them about the real meaning and having my six year old say...." but if its Jesus birthday how come he does not receive any gift?" Ah..... teachable moments... then I can explain why we do things to help others, and how the Bible says that anything we do to the least of these is like we are doing it unto him. ie giving food and clothes and to the poor is like giving food and clothes to Jesus.... I have lots of ideas for the New Year but I will save that post for another day and for some serious prayer time.

Countdown to Christmas

3 days left til Christmas and I am trying to avoid the stress. So far so good, though having the boys and Bianca in the house all day is enough to try anyone's nerves. I let them get into the Usbourne books and it occupied them for a while, but the natives are becoming restless. We are supposed to make gingerbread house village which would be a lot of fun if we could ever find the time to do it. Between Brian's, my mom's and my dad's schedule its difficult to find time. Ben decorated his tree and it looked great. We still haven't decorated the family tree but it will come. ( Sonny gave us a great deal on our Christmas trees, we bought the family tree for $30. , and he threw in Ben's tree for free). Still in a reflective, meditating mood, not sure what will come of it though. God is good, and I am thankful for his wonderful gift of His precious son sent to earth.

Unsure, disatisfied

I am not taking my shakes, not practicing my anger management techniques,..... not cleaning up the house , not spending enough time with the boy's education. I am spending too much time on Facebook and emails. ( blogging is a more structured , constructive form of venting so I do not feel guilty over that) . I love catching up with friends but my immediate family MUST come first. This will be my written reminder to stir myself to do what God wants me to do. The good I want to do , I do not do, but the evil I do not want to do , this I keep on doing... loose translation of Romans Chapter 7 vs ? The apostle Paul really has a way of stabbing at the heart of the matter. Well my children are demanding my attention. I am going to go be a mother . :)

Birthday Bash

Wow, it is hard to believe my little guy is 8 yrs old today. In some ways it has been a short time and yet when I look at the person I was when i gave birth to him.. it seems like another lifetime. He has had a reallly good day today, and I thank God for that. He chose where we ate yesterday for lunch ( McDonalds' yuck) , and then he was able to play all morning at my friend's house with her four kids whom he really likes. When I came to pick him up he was in her backyard digging up rocks from the wooded hillside. He was in his element , literally. Then we met them at Chuck E Cheese , where they played the whole afternoon. He didn't even become upset when the whole cup of tickets came up missing and they didn't find it. Then he was allowed to pick out a few small toys at Big Lots ( side note $20 goes a lot farther at Big Lots than it does at Toys R Us our usual destination) . He is so often frustrated and angry, and stressed out ( kind of like me and Brian really) ,, it was just so nice to see him calm, relaxed, and having a good time. I know we can't take him to CEC every day or give him new toys often, but for something special like a birthdy, well its a good way to show him that he is special and loved. Now if I can just find some ways to make Christmas special too. A way to celebrate the most awesome , special , miraculous birth of all time. A little more challenging perhaps, but it will be fun to try ! And just being with my family automatically makes it more likely to be special.

an unchaotic holiday season

I am not sure if unchaotic is a word, but I think it best describes my mood right now. After going through a week of stomach viruses for everyone, Brian and I drinking sparkling grape juice at 2am , attending a Christmas party at my dad's church ( where there were less than 20 kids and that included my 4 kids and 8 of their homeschool friends . ) ... and then ending the week with a big fight with Brian. Somehow though, I am not depressed, or stressed, or even very angry or frustrating which are my typical emotions at least several times a week. I seem to be approaching everything with a very matter of fact, don't sweat the small stuff attitude. Hmm makes me want to re read some Erma Bombeck. ( I read most of her books when I was in my early teens and found them hilarious. I am sure I would laugh non stop if I read them now with the perspective of age, marriage, and motherhood). I digress though.... I am not in a Scrooge type of anti Christmas mood, but I am also not stressing about decorations, or gift buying.. ( haven't done either and may not do either).. Ben's birthday is tomorrow , so we will probably end up at Chuck E Cheese at some point and we will probably buy him a gift. It will not be extragavant. Christmas too will be more focusing on spending time together, and building good family memories . I am not at the point where I can endure the Christmas hustle and bustle (read stress) that most people seem to endure as par for the course. I believe in celebrating the birth of my saviour, I just do not understand why we only have to celebrate it one month out of the year. Is it not easier to spread it out over the year? That is just my two cents... take it or leave it. Somehow , someway God is answering my prayer and through all the toils, and strife, all the ups and downs, God is enabling me to truly live out my goal of loving the abundant life. Thank you Lord!

Seeking Solutions

Why do we try every solution to fix our pet peeves and problems before going to the ONE who overcame all the problems and pet peeves of the world . ( side note : can you imagine all the annoyances Jesus had to be comfronted with after living in Heaven?) Why do I diligently check email and facebook status but yet have to make myself read something out of the Living Word? Not that I dont want to read more, its just so frustrating when I know two verses into I will have to stop to break up a fight, or feed the baby, or else a 3 yr old will be pretending I am a trampoline. Brian says if I wanted alone time I should not have had kids. Funny thing, I did not know I needed so much alone time til I had kids. I digress though, I know God can teach me things even when I am only reading a little tid bit here and there. Its so frustrating though when you want to meditate and "hide his Word in my heart" but you cannot because kids are constantly distracting you. I am doing a little bit better about praying, but it just seems that keeping my 4 boys alive from moment to moment is an all consuming task. Of course I know mine and Brian's prayer's have helped ... their guardian angels must have be football players with all the muscle and padding they would need to keep my kids safe. Still Brian and I have been talking about how in college we had people who were like minded in their pursuits of God. We have lots of Christian friends who love God, but none who understand our desire to be willing to undergo a radical lifestyle change if it meant being better able to serve God. Everyone we know is content to attend a Bible study, a Sunday worship and help with some small area of ministry. Brian and I want to fellowship with other Christians whose all out focus is God, who want to develop deep and lasting friendships. We want to be around people who can challenge us in our daily walk with God and people we can likewise encourage in their walk. Iron sharpening iron. Where are those people? Facebook and email are nice but I want something deeper and more committed. I want people who we can cry out to God with, whom we can spend 2 hrs studying the Word and we only stop because the babysitter has to go home and we have to put kids to bed. God is the only thing we need, its just helpful to have other Christians whom you can discuss with what God is teaching you.

wintertime blues

What is it about lack of sunlight, people stressing about an over commercialized holiday, and too many expectations ( real or perceived) that leaves me feeling very blue? I have not been taking my shakes as much as I should which does not help. I vented to my friend in Chicago for a little while and I felt better for a short time . But this persistent sadness, and sense of disconnectedness seems to permeate every fiber of my being. Hanging out all day in an extremely messy van , with 4 rambunctious little boys and a constant downpour of rain only made things worse. ( At least its not snow like my friend in chicago has). I know its only my melacholy personality taking things to extreme but a nice trip to somewhere warm and sunny sounds very appealing. I know I have a million blessings surrounding me, and I thank God for those every day.

From the ends of the earth I call to you
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I

For you have been my refuge a strong tower against the foe
Psalms 61:2 & 3